found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
