you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Randomize
