I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
