I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
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