the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
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