Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
