I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
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