i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Randomize
