benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
