True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
Randomize
