Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Randomize
