I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
