my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Randomize
