sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
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