420 ftw
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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