Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
porn star boner night. come get it.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Randomize
