tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
A+ Viking dick
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Randomize
