I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Randomize
