OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Randomize
