When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
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