why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
I'm way too hungover for life right now
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
