Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Randomize
