i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Randomize
