So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Randomize
