He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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