One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Randomize
