the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
