I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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