Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
That's intense
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
Bring me that man meat
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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