dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
