I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
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