I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
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