he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
