My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Randomize
