my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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