when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Randomize
