I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
