They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
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