Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Randomize
