im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Randomize
