does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
"it" just moved
Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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