Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Randomize
