Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
