This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Randomize
