I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
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