You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
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