in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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