Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
two words...techno handjob
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
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