dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
