Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
So how did finding that girl you know on GGW go?
I was so pissed when it just previews her all covered up. It would have been easier to just have sex with her
Yeah but then you would have a case of genitals gone wild
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
