i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
Randomize
