it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Randomize
