before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
